An Intern’s Log

Andrew Burstein

COM 495: Independent Study

(Summer 2009, Communication Department Buffalo State College)

Title: Warner Bros TV

60 pages; here we go

Introduction by the author – 8 September 2009

Over the course of this internship I have been slowly writing this sixty-page paper about what I’ve learned. Let me start out by saying one thing that I learned is that it is hard to write sixty pages of the same thing without becoming insanely boring.

All of the passages that you will read were written at night after a day of work. Every day, I got back and dreaded writing about my day but I did it anyways. You will see a few different types of logs. Some of the logs are just plain boring, some are slightly dramatized, and some are about my true inner feelings of the work place (you’ll see).

The one thing to remember about all of these different types of logs is that none of them have been altered much from their original publication (except some typographical and clarifying details). It is not because I write gems on my first try every time I set down to write; it is because I feel you, the reader, will get the most out of my experience if I leave each log as raw as it was when I wrote it; with all of the intensity, emotion, anger, and insanity as it captured from when I first wrote them.

So sit back and enjoy. You will soon be embracing every grueling, agonizing day of my internship without any commercial breaks. Feel free to skip around. But do not forget to enjoy yourself as I take you through seven weeks in the life of an intern.

Intro (written July 13)

On the Buffalo State college website, it explains how easy it should be to write a 60 page paper for this independent study. It is very simple, a normal fifteen week program, with four to five pages written every week. That would be wonderful and simple; however, my case is not as simple. I am working on a movie set. My time here will last seven weeks, with one week of me being absent. Because of this, I have decided to write my paper in a log-type fashion. Every day that I work I hope to write at least two pages. This way, everything that happened during the day will be fresh in my mind when writing them on paper, and you, the reader, will have the most complete picture of what I am doing every day that I am interning for A Movie.

Day 1 – Monday, 13 July 2009

After getting in on Sunday, getting set in my living quarters, and a good night of sleep, I went with my brother to 1325 6^th Avenue, also known as the Avenue of the Americas. This building is the site of Warner Brothers’ head quarters. He had to go to finish up the paper work that would allow him to intern on the set of A Movie. I would not be able to complete my paper work this day, but I went with him because he gets lost very easily and this is our first time in New York City. I was not able to finish my paper work because I found out very late that I would be able to work on this set even though I could not do an official internship. Because of this, all of my paper work was squeezed into a two-week period. There were a lot of papers to go through many different sources. The one that took the most time was the background check, which made me have to wait two days before I could officially work for the production of A Movie.

After my brother finished his paper work he was informed to go to 119 Fifth Avenue. This was the office of production. I went with him, once again, because he gets lost easily. I decided to go in with him and meet with everybody while I was there.

I met the people that I would be working with for the next couple weeks. Caitlin Englander is the Production Manager, and she asked me if I wanted to stick around that day or come back on Wednesday, when I was supposed to start. Before that she had informed my brother that he would be going on a trip to the director’s house to set up an HD Cam Cassette Player so that the director could watch dailies at her apartment. Knowing that my brother is not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to electronics, I offered to go along and help out. Volunteer if you will.

I went with my brother and Aaron Lock, a production assistant, to the director’s apartment in Brooklyn with the cassette player. After opening up the box of this three-thousand dollar piece of equipment, we quickly realized that we had no clue what we were doing. It came with four cords. We used two. We connected it through a converter, which we forgot to plug in to the wall. We also forgot to plug her DVD player back into the television.

The converter problem was quickly solved, by the director’s assistant, Henry, by plugging it in. I did, however, get a call from him later that day while I was having dinner. He seemed to be quite genuinely freaking out, as if we messed up big time. It turns out he is as technologically challenged as my brother. He could not figure out why the DVD player would not work. I tried to explain to him, very calmly, how we forgot to plug it back in and all he had to do was plug it in. “Do I have to do this every time to use the DVD player?” he asked me, very angrily. I told him, “No, we just forgot to plug it back in to the TV.”

“Well, what do I do with the cassette player?” was his next question.

“Nothing, that’s plugged in. All you need to do is plug the DVD player in,” I told him, with my patience growing shorter with every repetition.

“Where does that plug in? Do I have to unplug the cassette player?”

“No, the cassette player is plugged into the HDMI input. The DVD player has three chords—red, white and yellow—plug those into the Video 1 input with the corresponding colors.”

“But, what about the cassette player? How do I watch that?”

At this point I wanted to snap and yell at him, but that would be a bad idea for my first day. This conversation continued a good ten more minutes with this Abbot and Costello like routine. After he figured everything out, and seemed to have a grip on the situation, all I had running through my mind was that classic line from Clerks, “I wasn’t even supposed to be here today.”

Other than that little foul up, the day went very well. I learned that I had more patience than I previously thought; at least, when it comes to someone who is above me in the production staff’s proverbial ladder.

Day 2 – Tuesday, 14 July 2009

After an e-mail from Jack Johnson, of Warner Bros., I was informed that I could begin officially working today. So, I went back to 1325 6^th Ave. Filled out the paper work lickety-split, since I knew everything I had to do from when I went with my brother, and got to the production office.

After that, I forgot to take notes on anything I did. I am writing this day’s log on August third and for the life of me cannot remember anything from that specific day. But I am sure all I did was run errands; delivering documents, scripts, and dailies to people all over Manhattan.

Day 3- Wednesday, 15 July 2009

As soon as I arrived at the production office, I was given a list of four deliveries I had to make. These involved me running all over Manhattan with a bag full of scripts and packages.

Two deliveries went to office buildings. One was for the Cast and Crew office. They got three scripts, which was a huge load of weight to relieve myself of.

One of the deliveries went to Trump International. I found out there that just because it is Trump does not mean you will get good service. I stood at the front doors for a minute. In front were three door men. This would have been nice if any of them did their job, or at least gave me some space to open a door myself. But nay, they just stood, blocking the doors, talking to each other. I had to wait until a break in their conversation for one of them to find the time to open a door for me.

My last delivery from that list went to Jason Sudekis. I am not really familiar with anything he was in, off hand, but I know he is a semi-famous actor and was in Saturday Night Live. I was kind of excited to meet my first actor.

After being to all of these fancy offices and the Trump International, I ended up at this run-down apartment building. I rang the bell of the apartment belonging to Jason Sudekis, and wouldn’t you know it, he was not even home. He told the production staff that he would be, but when I had arrived, there was no answer. I called up Production and they called him. He told them he was not home but to leave it with the people in the restaurant below his apartment. So, that’s what I did. Instead of meeting an actor, I met some nice Vietnamese waiters who had no idea what I was talking about. I hope he got his script without too many problems.

After I got back from those deliveries two and a half hours later, I ran to Staples and bought three power strips. It was such an amazing experience. I walked the whole way there (three blocks) and got three run-of-the-mill power strips. I got the receipt and change and walked back. I gave all of the aforementioned items to Aaron in the production office.

He was very pleased with my swiftness and decided to reward me with the duty of making one-hundred fifty copies of the revised script. I was in the copy-room for two and a half hours taking the copies, paper-clipping them together, and keeping them neatly stacked. Every five of them, I would count the pages, to make sure that they were all there.

After two and a half hours, I was noticeably loopy. The sound of the copy machine, in action, making three-hole punch copies of a thirty-seven page documents, I found out, would make a beat in seven-eight time, for five measures, then one measure in three-eight, when it got to the end of the script. I would sing along with the copier and jam with it by banging on the empty boxes in the room. The legal-sized-paper box gave me a nice bass tone, and the normal-sized-paper box, partially full, gave me the higher tone. This activity must have begun to wear thin on the employees around that room because I was relieved of finishing the copies, and my brother got to deal with the last…five.

With the song of the copier still in my head, I got to begin my next task. Correlating!

If you are not familiar with this term, it means I take the revisions that I was copying, and placing them into the old script. This means if there is a revision for page three, I take out page three from the old script, and put in the page three from the revisions. I got to do this to as many scripts as I could. I had some help from my brother and Amanda, one of the P.A.’s in the office. But, I got very good at correlating and did most of them. After about thirty I knew exactly which pages would come out, which ones had large sections to replace, which selections had extra pages added onto them, and so on. I correlated very sternly with the infectious rhythm of the copy machine singing away in my head.

After everyone in the office came to the conclusion that I had had enough, they said that my brother and I could go to the set to drop off a set of keys to Henry (the director’s assistant). We were told we would be able to drop them off and then hang out for as long as we wanted.

We got a ride from a teamster named Jerry. He was the director’s personal driver, but when she’s at the set, he goes on other ventures for the movie. He took us to the set, which was very far downtown.

After we got through security, with minimal hassle, we got to the set and walked through a large news paper office, packed to the brim with people running around with set props, lights, and other equipment. We had to walk to the other side to get to Henry and prayed we would not ruin a shot on the way there.

Luckily, we did not. We gave him the keys. He said, “Thank you.”

My brother then asked him if there was anything we could do, and he replied with a simple, “No,” So, we left as quickly as we arrived. Except now, we had no ride back and no idea where we were. Luckily, the production office was still going, and we got wonderful directions from Aaron.

That day I learned a wonderful lesson about miscommunication. And to never ask a stupid question. Instead of asking if there was anything else we could do, which the answer would obviously be no, he should have asked if we could stick around. But, oh well. We have plenty of time to work on the set in the future.

Day 4 - Thursday, 16 July 2009

My first run of the day was to Panavision. I was supposed to meet with Sal Frank Giarratano to pick up a camera and a box of electronics for the camera. I was driven by Amanda to Panavision, only to find out that we went to Panavision’s old address. We then took a half-hour drive to their new location. After we got there, I was told the wrong floor and made a small fool of myself looking for “Sal” and the lady at the desk pointed me to “Sales”. Then eventually, she figured out who I was looking for and gave me the correct floor.

After I arrived at the correct floor, I met with Sal. He had no idea what I was doing there or of anything that I was supposed to be picking up. He called Caitlin Englander back at the production office. He found out the exact items I was supposed to be picking up and then informed us (Caitlin and me) that they were already picked up by a couple teamsters the day before. So, Amanda and I went back to the office empty handed.

Shortly after being back at the office, I was told to go back to Panavision; this time to pick up two wireless remotes for the HD Cam cassette player. I arrived there and was shown to the backroom, where everything was stocked. I met with one man back there and told him that I was picking up something for A Movie. He gave me some electronics. I told him that this must be a mistake. I was supposed to be picking up two remotes. After much confusion, he located the remotes, and still insisted that the electronics were for me as well. I called the production office and was told that the electronics were one of the things I was supposed to have picked up the first time I was there.

So, I had the electronics and was waiting for the remotes to get to the stock room from wherever they were. While waiting I took a look around and found a bunch of really big, very cool movie posters. The man would not give them to me. But, he did ask me if I liked this random pair of shoes he had back there. I said they were not my style but were pretty cool. So, he gave them to me. He said they were just going to get thrown away and were not his size.

I arrived back to the office with everything I was supposed to have and a new pair of shoes. After that, I took the remotes, and some dailies, over to the director’s apartment. She was supposed to be home, but was not. I called Henry, and he sent me on a wild goose chase through a park in Brooklyn looking for her. I walked the entirety of the park with remotes and a package of dailies to no avail. I went back to the apartment and waited for a half-hour. After that period of time, her husband came home and took everything from me and relieved me of my duties.

After I got back, I went to AT&T and bought a speaker phone for Christina Applegate’s trailer.

That day I learned to always find out if the person I am delivering something to is going to be home, and find out if there is someone else I can leave it with if they are not, before I go out on a run for them.

Day 5 – Friday, July 17 2009

The HD Cam cassette player, which we had put together before, turned out to be a danger to the director’s baby daughter. She is just learning to walk, and falls over a lot. The director was worried that she would fall on the HD Cam cassette player and bust her head, or worse, break the three-thousand dollar piece of equipment.

So, her assistant ordered a cabinet for the cassette player. It was my duty to pick it up and assemble it. I picked it up, and forgot to get the receipt that went along with it. This was a bad mistake, since they cannot write off a purchase without a receipt.

It took me about a half-hour of piecing it together and screwing the different bits and pieces together. It was complete, and beautiful. It also looked like it was a little big for what it was going to be used for. But, I did not care.

Well, it turned out it was too big. The company gave us the wrong cabinet. I forgot the receipt, and I had thrown out the box when I was done assembling it. But, she took it anyways. It serves it purpose. It works. It was bad. I guess everything got solved though, because I never heard about it after that day. Except to cut a hole in the back of it for the cords.

After all of that, I had to drop off dailies to Carl Frazer on Wall Street. I rushed past all of the crowds to get to the drop off. I dropped it off. But then, I decided to take a little time getting back. It was my first time on Wall Street and I figured I could enjoy it just a little. It wasn’t like they desperately needed me back at the office. So, I stopped a little longer as I passed the New York Stock Exchange, and the monument of George Washington where he got inaugurated, and some street magic Nick that went on for fifteen minutes about this trick he never did. But, after all of those fun attractions, I headed back to the office, just to get sent home.

Day 6 – Monday, 20 July 2009

Getting into the office, I had a cup of coffee. French Roast. Dash of whole milk. One sugar. It was delicious.

My mind was now set and ready. My body was on the edge, ready to go. “Give me something to do!” my mind was screaming. But alas, nothing came. For fifteen minutes, which felt like eternity, I sat at a table fervently tapping, franticly drumming as if I had a seven-piece drum kit at my disposal.

Caitlin possibly took this as a sign of boredom, but I was merely just eager! She sent me on a mission and I hopped up with glee in my eyes. “To the grocery store, you shall go. Your mission is to get enough food to feed and satisfy twenty staff members. This includes snacks, drinks, and other stuff! Aaron has a list of specifics. AARON!”

“Harry. Thank God you’re here. This is the list. You will be going to Trader Joe’s to retrieve these items, and anything else that you see we may enjoy. And make sure you get some god damn granola bars. We fucking love granola bars!”

“Yes, sir!” I said, saluting him with utmost respect of a higher ranking officer. And I was on my way.

Anxiety hit me like a rhino in heat when I arrived at the front of the entrance. “I’ve never shopped for twenty people. How will I know what’s enough? How much do twenty people normally eat?” The answers to these questions would become abundantly clear in the near future. (I will never know what enough is, and: a lot.)

Shopping in Trader Joe’s was a nightmare. It was small and clustered. I could barely get around anyone, and the line for the checkout wrapped around the entire east end of the store. I couldn’t get to the yogurt until I was waiting in line to check out.

But the actual shopping was also terrible and did not help my anxiety one bit. All of the things on the list were name brand, and very specific items; this store was sort of like Buffalo’s “Aldi’s”. Everything in this store was “Trader Joe’s something”. For example, instead of Cheerio’s I had to get “Trader Joe O’s”. So, I did what I could to get what was asked for on the list.

After I was done, I went to the long checkout line. While walking, I would see all of the things that I missed on the list because I thought they just did not have it. I would leave the line, grab it, and this very nice woman behind me would push my cart when the line would move, so that I would not lose my place. I do not know how people think New York is the rudest place. People are so nice here. I think nicer than in Buffalo. In Buffalo, they would just skip you in line and laugh in your face when you try to come back.

I got back to the office after carting all of the groceries back ten blocks. Stocked the kitchen, and went back down to sit at that drum kit.

After about an hour, the emergency alarms started sounding. Red lights flashing! I was needed. “Harry! Jack Rollins left his wallet at the Beth Israel Hospital!” Caitlin informed me.

“Oh my God! Don’t say another word. I’m on it!”

I picked up my leather coat and draped it over my left shoulder. Exiting the office to the applause of the production crew, I lowered my aviators and gave them a promising thumbs-up. “I will get his wallet back. I will get it back safely, and with almost all of the money still in it. I promise you this!” The entire room exploded with excitement, and I was off!

My fire apple red Camaro screeched to a perfectly fish tailed parallel park at the entrance to Beth Israel. Walking up to the front desk, I signed a couple autographs, kissed a couple babies, and got a few pictures taken of me. I told the ladies to hold off, “I got some work to do.”

“I believe you have a wallet for me,” I said to the front desk clerk.

“Oh my God! It’s Harry Chinaski! I can’t believe I’m really meeting you!”

“Yea yea. You got a wallet for me or what?”

“Oh yea, sorry. I was just so…”

“I know it’s cool, bro. But I got a lot to do.”

“Yes of course, here you go. Have a great day.”

“You too, sir. And may God bless you.”

And I was out of there. On my walk back to the office I convinced myself that that was how it happened. In reality, I walked ten blocks to Beth Israel, gave the security guard my ID, got the wallet, and took all of the money as I walked back to the office. Nobody questioned the emptiness of the wallet. It was a good trip, I ate steak that night.*

*Just kidding. I took nothing and ate McDonald’s that night.

Day 7 – Tuesday, 21 July 2009

I made copies! After that, I did nothing. So I decided to clean the kitchen.

The coffee maker was dirty. I started to clean it but made a bigger mess. I removed the bottom dish to clean under it, but did not realize that there was plenty of water and spilt coffee in it. I spilled that all over the floor. But I didn’t mind. All it meant to me was an extra few minutes of avoiding that damn imaginary drum set that waited in the office.

It was inevitable, however. Ten minutes later I was right in the middle of a silent drum solo. I was then sent to payroll. They taught me how to file.

I had about fifty paychecks up there to put into files and organize. I put on my headphones, put on Cake, and danced my way through this project. With a smile on my face, I filed. I filed like I never filed before! (It helped that I never did file before.)

I was kind of sad after all of the files were in the cabinet, neatly organized alphabetically by last name. It felt like I had just lost a pet hamster. Sad it was gone, but quick to recover from the emptiness with a replacement.

My new pet was named Brother – model #: HL-2170W. I had to pick him up from Best Buy on 23^rd street and 6^th avenue. He was a black and white laser printer. And boy, he was pretty heavy. But I carried him all the way up the stairs to check him out. Then, found out check out was back downstairs. So, I carried him back down the stairs and checked him out; then carried him back up the stairs to the van waiting on us.

We (Aaron and I) drove our new printer to a hotel. Alicia was waiting in the lobby for the new printer. As I walked to the door, her eyes became wide with joy. But the pushy doorman sent me to the back, because it was a package. I went to the back, where there was nobody. So I walked back to the lobby and explained to the doorman that this printer was going to the woman in the lobby. He let me through, but was not very pleased about it.

After I met with Alicia, we went to bring it up to her room. As we walked to the elevators, two men at the desk started freaking out like monkeys in the zoo just before a hurricane. They were screaming about parking, and moving, and “Who the hell is this guy?” She calmly explained the situation. They let us get to the elevators but did not look pleased about it.

I walked to the room with it, dropped it off, and then left. And that was that, the end. Back to the office.

Day 8 – Wednesday, 22 July 2009

After the first week of shooting, everything calms down immensely. I don’t think I have ever sat for so long with nothing to do as I did today. I was in the office from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon. And I can tell you everything that I did today in the next paragraph.

I went to Paragon sports twice. The first time, to get two ping pong paddles and some balls; the second time to get two more paddles. After that I was told I could go because there was nothing to do. I stuck around another half-hour and played ping-pong.

Day 9 – Thursday, 23 July 2009

Starting this day off, I had a tricky, but important task. The envelopes that go to set have a sheet of paper on the front of them. This paper has spaces to fill in that explain who the package is from, who it’s going to, and what is contained in it. We were running low on them so I had to make some new ones. Luckily, we already had plenty of these sheets already printed out and ready to go. My daunting task was to tape one on each envelope. I tried my hardest to make sure they were straight and centered. After about fifty of them, my job was done. It was exhausting work, but I pushed through it. I was given a nice two-hour break after to recoup.

The two hours came to an end and I was sent on my next mission. I was to go to Staples and by pens. I was told to get a box of Bic “clicky” pens. And to make sure they were the “clicky” kind.

So, I set off. I went to the basement of staples and found their infamous wall of pens. I stared at it for a little while, awe-struck in its glory. After overcoming my admiration, I began searching through the variety of pens for the requested box.

I was shocked; I could not find clicky Bic pens. I could not believe my eyes. But it was true, there was no such box at this Mecca of pens. So I began my search for the closest thing to it. I found a package of eighteen clicky pens for only five dollars. I checked out satisfied with my find and proudly brought them back to the office.

After that, there was an overwhelming absence of work that allowed me to organize the supplies shelf in the office. I put all of the FedEx boxes and envelopes together in order of size. Pyramid style. I put all of the thumb tacks, staples, and paper clips together. On another shelf, all of the supplies that have ink (pens, high lighters, printer cartridges, etc.) After it was all done, I took a step back and looked upon my masterpiece. As I marveled, I heard to my left, “Where the fuck did the paper clips go?”

Day 10 – Tuesday, 4 August 2009

After a fishing trip with my father and his friends up in Canada, I came back and was told that I could begin working on the set. My body overflowed with ecstasy.

The first van to the set would leave at nine in the morning from Delancey and Essex. I arrived there at nine oh five. There was no van in sight. So I had to wait for the next van at ten fifteen. I waited in the McDonald’s at the corner where a bunch of prostitutes were meeting up and chatting, I think two of them were men, but I really could not tell. I stared at one for too long trying to see if I could see an Adam’s apple, and he/she waved at me. I stared at my coffee for the next half-hour after that.

I got on the van and got to the set. It was a small diner in Brooklyn. I met with the person who was going to boss me around for the next four weeks, his name is Alonzo. He showed me what “Lock up” means and told me to lock up the sidewalk near the corner with Pato, another PA.

For this set, locking up meant sending anyone who was not part of the crew to the other side of the street to walk by, so that the crew had room to work with little interference. It just so happened that it was Pato’s first day as well, so we did not do a very good job, but no one seemed to really notice.

We locked up that side walk for eight hours. There was no lunch break that day. I’m pretty sure we were not really needed there for the whole time, but nobody told us otherwise, so we stayed at our positions and did our jobs.

That day, I learned how the movie can show different times of the year in the same day. For this shoot, the first scene at the diner was in the summer. So, locking up the set was not too hard. We could allow people to pass by (on the opposite side of the street) while filming was in process because it would not affect the scene. However, the next scene at the diner was to be in autumn. This meant we had to lock up the set a little differently. In order to show it being fall, the film crew had extras available dressed in hooded sweatshirts and jackets, ready to pass by the diner windows when “background” was called.

What the P.A.’s and I had to do to lock up set was to ask pedestrNicks to either wait with us at the corner until “cut” was called, or walk around the block the long way. We had to do this because it would not look like fall in the scene with people passing by in t-shirts and shorts. I was doing a very decent job. I stopped almost every person that came by, except one biker who ignored me and kept going. The other P.A.’s did not do such a great job, in my opinion. We were told to not let anyone through who was wearing a t-shirt and/or shorts. Pato, was on the other corner and let a few go by. But what I did not understand was the P.A.’s on the other side of the street. They let so many people by that I would not be surprised if it ruined a couple shots. One P.A. would not even attempt to stop any bicyclists. But, being the lowest on the chain of command there and being my first day, I had no right in telling them that they were doing a terrible job. I just turned my back and kept doing the best that I could do.

After the long day was over, I had to wait with the film until it got picked up. Well, it did not get picked up until the last minute. All of the other trucks were gone, along with most of the crew. I missed the courtesy van home, and had to find a subway station near me. It was a long trip home, but I made it and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Day 11 – Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Today, I made it to set on time. This day we were filming in an actual studio. What this means to me, is that I had even less to do than I did the day before.

I followed Alonzo around for the first half-hour. He was guiding me on the set to see what it looked like and show me how it was all set up. But, as he was explaining it, I was distracted by watching Justin Long hit a bong multiple times. I found out later it was fake weed, and he was just testing it out before he had to smoke it for the scene. But it was distracting enough.

Alonzo told me to just hang out on the set and watch them set up the lighting. It was very cool to watch. After that was all done, I got off of the set because they were about to begin shooting.

In a studio, there are usually no places that need to be locked up. But, this set was not as professional as others. Most sets are sound proof from the outside, this one was not, so one P.A. had to lock up outside, and keep them quiet. There was also another room where people were working on another set. One P.A. had to make sure they were quiet while filming. One benefit of this studio was, however, that it had a bell and red lights. When “rolling” was called a P.A. would ring it three times and turn the red lights on. As long as the lights were on, people would know they were rolling. When “cut” was called, a P.A. would ring it once and turn the lights off.

P.A.’s were still needed to lock up, however, because a lot of people ignore the red lights and bells. But, they still only needed three P.A.’s and there were at least five on set.

I asked Alonzo what he wanted me to do, but he had nothing. I sat, ate, read the news paper, would walk around, read a different paper, ate some more, and so on.

After awhile, I got to lock up the room where they were building another set. This was a pretty quiet room to begin with. The set was built and all they were doing now was painting it. Usually, the P.A. that is locking up has to yell out “Rolling!” when rolling is called over the walkie-talkie so everyone knows to keep quiet and “Cut!” when that is called to let everyone know that they can now relax and talk and be loud. But, with the bells and lights, it was unnecessary. I pretty much just sat at the entrance to the room and played with myself for a couple hours.

After lunch, I got to switch lock up duties with Josh who was locking up outside. What I had to do out there was to make sure no one would go through the door when rolling. This is because outside the door are a bunch of trucks and generators running. It was very loud outside, and when the door was open, all of that sound leaks into the set.

Outside the door, there is a red light. Inside the doorway there is a red light. I had to stop everybody outside from going inside, but people inside would keep coming outside, ignoring the bright, flashing red light that lit up the inside. When they would leave, everyone waiting outside would rush in. I still had to stop people after they saw everybody run it. They would just look at me like I was the biggest jack ass in the world. But, some understood that they were rolling and couldn’t go inside. The worst part of it all was the people that I stopped from going inside because it was rolling, that I let in after they cut, would walk outside while rolling, as if there was a difference. But, I did the best I could.

This day, the plan was to film two small scenes. At the end of the day, they only ended up filming one scene. Each shot they did, they would take forty minutes setting up for a different angle, and shoot the same scene. They did this for twelve hours; shooting the same scene, over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. It reminded me of the Simpsons episode where Milhous got to play Fall Out Boy in the Radio-Active Man movie; where he had to do the “Jimminy-gillickers” scene a bunch of times from different angles, as the director explained the filming process of shooting a scene: “again and again! And again and again and again!”

After the twelve hour day of shooting, we ended up with one two-minute scene. The morale at the end of the day was at an all time low; especially with the teamsters. But, I think all they do is complain.

Day 12 – Thursday, 6 August 2009

I was told yesterday that I got on for the two most boring days of production so far. But, Alonzo promised me, today would be very busy for me. He said this because we were filming in Central Park.

I got on set on time. Before I could even get a coffee, I had to walk almost all the way back from where I just came from to drop off skins to extras holding. I do not know what skins are, but I was supposed to give them to Troy. He wasn’t there so I dropped them off with Ike. I tried calling Troy on the walkie to let him know I dropped them off, but he never answered. Hopefully, he got them.

I was very excited to start working when I got back from that run. The first shot was at the Bethesda boat house. I got there and asked Alonzo what he needed me to do. He told me he had nothing for now, but to go back to the honey-wagon (the production van) and ask Elizabeth if she needed me to do anything. I got there, and she was not there. So I waited there for awhile, smoked cigarettes, drank coffee, ate breakfast and chatted with other P.A.’s there.

After they finished the scene at Bethesda, Alonzo walkied me to go to Sheep Meadows. This was the location of the next couple shots. I got there, and he told me he had nothing for me to do, but I could stand around and watch. So I did. While watching, a small crowd began to form, and I saw a couple P.A.’s trying to herd them all into one area, so I began to lock up the set with them. It was pretty easy going for the first shoot. Everyone was doing their part to lock up each end of the walk way and direct pedestrNicks around the area.

Then lunch was called, most of the P.A.’s left and never came back to their lock up spots and all hell broke loose. The next shot was with Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudekis, along with one-hundred eight extras. With the P.A.’s gone, or not doing their jobs, the field and fence area by the park became an absolute mess of pedestrNicks, tourists, and paparazzi.

With the tourists, you can usually keep them quiet while rolling, keep them out of the entrance to the park and generally direct them to a spot that is easy for us to work with. With the paparazzi, there is no winning.

While rolling, we had to keep everybody quiet. People with professional cameras we especially tried to get to not take pictures while rolling. We asked everybody very nicely to not take pictures while rolling because the sounds of the cameras will get caught by the microphones.

The paparazzi didn’t give a fuck. They crowded the entrance. Pushed their way onto the field, some of them almost getting into the shot. You ask them to move, and they ignore you. If you finally get their attention they say something like “I have every right to be here. You can’t tell me where to go.” It’s like arguing with a five year old. I understand they’re trying to do their jobs, but we’re trying to do ours. We were letting them take pictures, we didn’t care, but we asked them nicely to not shoot while rolling, but they did. Non-stop. At some points, all I could hear were clicks of their cameras firing off right behind the boom microphone. I couldn’t believe it. How could people be so ignorant? But they were. I asked a group of them to stop taking pictures while rolling. Rolling was called out, and they continued to take pictures, almost more vigorously just for the sake of being ass-holes. So, I stood in their way. One guy started to fight with me, “Why are you in my way? Everybody else is taking pictures! Why you gotta be in my way?” Like I said, like a five year old. I wanted to punch all of these people in the face.

The worst part was there was nothing we could do about it. The more you ask, the more they do to piss you off. I wouldn’t be surprised if they ruined every second of film shot. Just so they could get a million pictures that they wouldn’t even use, of actors trying to do their jobs. Pictures of actors in a scene that you can see in live action in a year. Sometimes, I can’t believe the attention celebrities get. It’s ridiculous.

After that fiasco, we moved on to film a scene at Mall/Literary Walk. The scene involved Drew Barrymore buying a hot dog and throwing it away. Thrilling! I know. My job was to lock up set at the south end. I could not let anyone walk to or on Literary Walk. This seemed easy enough, but it was not. There is a short walk around the walk that some people just did not want to use. One guy ignored us completely, and one other man wanted to fight us.

We asked this man to walk around, very politely. He told us he walks down this way every day. I don’t know how that holds relevance, but that is what he said. We told him we were filming a movie and that we couldn’t have anyone walking down here. He told us to fuck ourselves. We told him we had a permit. He said, “I hate fuckin’ foreigners telling me I can’t walk where I always walk,” and went down the short detour.

After that wonderful time telling people they can’t walk on one of the busier paths of Central Park, we moved to VictorNick Gardens. I did not go to VictorNick Gardens, however. I stayed at the end of Literary Walk, by the statue of Columbus, and told the crew how to get to VictorNick Gardens. “Go across the street; take the path on the right. The man in the black shirt by the light post will help you out if you don’t see it.” I did this for a couple hours. The traffic was pretty slow after the first twenty minutes, but there were still stragglers every once in awhile, so I stayed there.

The only problem with this was, I wore a shirt that I got from Salvation Army that says “VOLUNTEER” on the back of it. A lot of tourists at Central Park saw this shirt, along with the walkie-talkie I had on, and assumed I was a volunteer for the park. Everyone came up to me for help. One man tried to leave his cell phone with me to give to someone who I guess would find me later on. Could you imagine that? Just leaving your cell phone with a guy whose shirt says “Volunteer?” The front didn’t even say Central Park; it said “Most Karate Punches Thrown in an Hour.”

I stayed there for two hours; then, I went down to the set right when they were wrapping up. After they did, everybody went back to the honey-wagon and slowly began dispersing. I, of course, stayed until everybody was gone, and walked home.

That day was fun. I smoked almost an entire pack of cigarettes, but it was fun. If there is any place to be bored on set, Central Park is the best. But, for locking up a set, Central Park is the worst.

Day 13 - Friday, 7 August 2009

Today, we filmed at a bar. Today, I never felt more useless.

When I got there I was sent on my first coffee run ever. I got the script supervisor a skim hot chocolate. After that, I asked Alonzo what he wanted me to do. “I got nothing for ya. No bullshit,” he told me. “Why don’t ya just sit in and watch ‘em set up a scene. This is how ya learn. I’ve seen it so much I could probably do electric by now.”

So, into the bar I went. I watched them set up the lighting. I watched the prop guy make fake cocktails for all of the extras. I watched how he also made three glasses of beer that he kept, so that after every take, he could replace the extras’ glasses with the exact same levels as the take before.

After I watched the set up, I watched the camera do a couple rehearsals to make sure they get the same shot every take. Then, they brought in “Team 1”, which is the actual cast. They did one rehearsal, and after that, they filmed. They did the scene about three or four times. Then it was time to move the cameras to do it from different angles. While they began moving, the extras began moving, and the bar became very crowded. I could no longer find a place that I was out of the way, so I left.

I asked Alonzo if he had anything again. Again he said no. So, I went to the honey-wagon to see if there was anyone there that wanted me to do anything. The only person there was Josh, another P.A. Very nice guy. He was in charge of all the walkie-talkies. Having never done that job before, he did not know what he was doing when they told him to distribute the walkies a couple weeks ago. He gave a bunch to each group (Electric, props, grips, etc.) and marked down the numbers of the walkies he gave to those departments. Now, the company wants a certain twenty walkies back, and he is having trouble narrowing down where they are. After the Central Park shoot, the walkies got transferred between anybody and everybody. After that day, there was no telling who had what, or where any of them were.

So, he asked if I could go around and help him. I thought, why not? Just go around and find out who has what walkie-talkie. It couldn’t be that hard. Well, I was wrong. The grip crew is about as mature as a sixth grade class room. The conversation went down like this.

Me: Hey, we lost track of our walkie-talkies and am wondering if I could get your name and the walkie number from you.

Grip Guy: What is it the last day? Walkie check? Yea sure. Hugh…G…Rection.

Me: Ha, okay. Seriously.

Grip Guy: Alright, it’s Jimmy Fitz. 6969. Ha Ha, get it? Like Jimmy fits your vagina.

Me: Alright, fuck it.

So, after that, I told Josh he was on his own for this quest. He said he didn’t care. He wasn’t really doing much about it either. For most of the day, we just sat by the honey-wagon and smoked cigarettes. Every once in awhile we’d walk to the catering truck and get some food and some coffee. Then go back to doing nothing and smoking cigarettes. After awhile, the boredom really got to us. We started playing with anything around us. We played catch with a bag of peanuts, that didn’t last long. That exploded after a few throws. So we started playing catch with a cup holder as a Frisbee. That didn’t work to well. But, a prop guy walked by us to use the bathroom and told us to just go to the prop truck where they have an actual Frisbee. So we did, and they did.

We went back and played Frisbee for a bit. Then felt guilty and went back to smoking cigarettes by the honey-wagon. After a long time, I finally got something to do. I ran to the Imperial Theater to drop off tickets for Wendy Long. I went with some guy named Gerald. He has a problem with listening to a full song, he can’t do it. He played a lot of really cool music on the way there, but would change each song after about a minute.

When we finally got to the theater right off Times Square, I went to drop off the tickets. I did not know where the “Will Call” was, so I went to the concession guy, hoping he would know, because I did not feel like waiting in the box office line to find out I was in the wrong place. The concession guy looked at me and said, “How the fuck should I know? Ask the box office!” So, I went to the box office. Luckily, it was the same place. I told the guy I was sent to drop off the tickets there for Wendy Long. The box office guy just stared at me. “I’m dropping this off. Wendy Long’s gonna pick it up.” I explained again.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I don’t know, probably tickets.” I said. He kept staring at me in confusion. Then eventually went around and opened the door. Took the package, opened it up and stared at the tickets inside of it.

“So….should I put it under Long?” he asked.

“Yea, dude. Sure.” And I got out of there.

I went back to the set and waited around a bit longer. After six hours, I had to run a package to Henry on set. I went into the set, and quickly realized they were still doing the exact same one-minute scene they were doing when I was first on the set at the beginning of the day. Eventually, they got enough angles, and went on to the second scene of the day. That went a lot quicker.

We were supposed to have an open bar after the long, stressful day. But, apparently, because we wrapped early, they cancelled it. Nobody knows why. Every person on the crew was very upset. Everyone was looking forward to it all day, and while cleaning up after wrap, it got cancelled.

Oh well. I went home that night, and slept like a baby.

Day 14 – Monday, 10 August 2009

I don’t know what to tell you. After thirteen days, I can’t even keep the days straight. My notes say today is Friday, but I know better than that. It’s tough because all of the days are the same.

As you know, Friday, I did next to nothing. Today, we have three more P.A.’s than then. The only thing I did today was remake the brick box. A brick is a walkie battery. A brick box is the box they keep them in near the set. To make the box, you take a simple milk carton and put two cardboard dividers in it – one that says “hot” and one that says “cold”. When someone’s battery goes dead, he/she throws it in on the cold side and grabs a hot brick from the hot side. Josh, who is in charge of the walkie-talkies, sort of, comes around every once in awhile, throughout the day, and takes the cold batteries out and brings them back to the honey-wagon to charge. He also brings hot bricks back from the honey-wagon and throws them into the brick box. This is a small job, but very vital. Hot bricks on set are like good rocks in the ghetto. People are always walking around the set looking for someone or somewhere to score hot bricks when the box runs out.

I spent thirteen hours on set today. My highlight was making a good brick box; the other one was falling apart and looked like shit. Besides that, I helped with distro, once. Distro is distributing all of the envelopes, packages, and whatever else the production office sends to set. Distro takes two minutes, at most. This is because you do not need to drop off the packages directly to who they are for, but to the truck/department they work in. So, let’s say you have one package for every person working. At most, you would have to make seven drops.

Thirteen hours today. It was all interior shooting. They needed one P.A. to lock set (watch the door, keep people from going in when rolling). The rest of us did nothing, except search for meaningless jobs to do to pass the time.

At six o’clock I got a call from the production office, asking if I could work there for the rest of the week. I almost peed I was so excited. Not because I love working in the office, but because the rest of this week we are filming at this same location, all interior. At least in the office I get to go on runs.

Day 15 – Tuesday, 11 August, 2009

Today, I worked in the office. 9-6. It was a normal day. I took two runs to Cast and Crew Payroll on Seventh Avenue. Made a few copies. Made a couple runs. Not much. I cleaned to keep busy, but eventually ran out of shit to do and read the paper. While doing this the cock suckers figured they would type out a list of shit to do when there’s nothing to do, and gave it to me. This included all the shit that I just went around doing.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I fucking hate people, and everybody in the drama industry are the biggest, fakest, most pretentious pricks there are.

I did nothing today except the same shit I’ve written thirty pages on. Tomorrow, I’ll probably do more of the same. Happy readings friend.**

**I wrote this almost right after I got home from work. I was a little heated and didn’t feel like writing bullshit. Today, (8/12/09) I was going to revise it, and tell you all of the boring details of that day. I reread it and decided to keep it in. To leave this out, or even revise it from its raw, straight from brain to page with no censor style, would take away from its power of showing you another side of working as an intern.

Day 16 – Wednesday, 12 August, 2009

Arriving in the office, I worried about how little I would do today. Luckily, there was little time of awkward nothingness before my first mission. I was sent to the mayor’s office to pick up some papers for the locations department.

I have been to the mayor’s office a few times in the past, but still needed some refreshing on where the place was. I was told it was on the corner of 31^st and Broadway. So that’s where I went.

It wasn’t there. And I did not remember being so close to Times Square for the mayor’s office before. So, I called the office and hoped to talk to anyone but Hazel. (She does not like when I ask questions, she thinks I should just know Manhattan forwards and back even though I’ve spent my entire life living eight hours outside of Manhattan.) I got a hold of Miranda and she told me it was actually on 34^th Street.

“Call me if you have any more problems,” she told me.

“I will,” I said.

“Talk to you soon,” she said, implying that I would in fact have to call her again.

Well, I didn’t! I went back to the office, package in tow. After I dropped it off, I again had nothing to do, so I went to payroll to see if they needed anything done. “Of course we do!” Ted told me. “Here’s a bunch of time cards. We need you to take them and put them in the files with corresponding names. To do this, you find the name on the time card, and then find the file that has the same name on the tab. The files are in alphabetical order, and make sure you look for the last name, because it’s alphabetical by last name.”

I just let him go. The people in payroll just seem happier when they get the chance to fully explain their terribly difficult jobs. And, yea, I was the one who made most of those folders, and organized that cabinet to begin with. But, why bother ticking them off by telling them I’m competent. I let him go, and when he finally finished explaining, I filed.

Then, I finished filing the time cards. It was time to find a new job. “You can put together start up packets,” Ted told me. He led me to the next room, which had seven piles of different forms on a table in it. He showed me, in detail, how to put one form on top of the other, until all seven were neatly together in one packet. He showed me this about three times before he let me have the reins. I did this for awhile, with intermittent breaks of staring off into space. It’s hard to concentrate while performing a mediocre task such as this.

After awhile I was relieved of duties so I could go on a run to pick up vouchers from Entertainment Partners, ten blocks away. I was picking up packages, so I had to go with Amanda, who could drive the production van. When we got back, Caitlin was not pleased. Apparently, it took us an hour and fifteen minutes to make this run. I had no idea. Amanda told her it was really hard to turn around where we were, which was near Times Square. It was hard; she would have to drive at least five blocks in either direction to turn left. But, I didn’t care. We got the packages, our mission was accomplished successfully. It’s not our fault driving in Manhattan near Times Square sucks.

I ate lunch, and then got a new job to do. It involved filing again. Again they explained to me like I was a learning deficient fifth grader with ADD. I filed for two hours straight. It would have been fine if I had an iPod, but I didn’t. So, it just kind of sucked. But at least I was doing something.

After that filing job, I got a job of putting sticker labels on tabs of folders. This task seemed especially difficult in the way it was explained to me.

“This is a little confusing,” Betty from payroll started off. “The dates go backwards. You know how most people would have it go this way, well it goes this way. You see? You get it?”

I nodded.

“Oh good. Well, here are the labels. Now you’re going to put these on, in the order that I showed you. Some of the folders have dates on them already, so put the sticker with that date on top of that folder. Same date same folder. Get it?”

I nodded.

“Good. Now you see my folders end, but the dates on the stickers keep going.”

A nice pause. Realizing she was waiting on me, I nodded.

“Good, well, put the stickers on new folders, in this same order, just continuing on. You got it? Any questions?”

“Nah, I got it.” I took the folders and booked. I did it in about two seconds, gave her back her folders in her tricky ordered, and went back to production. I could not look at one more manila folder.

Back in production, I filled out five purchase orders, and was told I could leave.

I left.

I learned today that I could never work in a payroll office.

Day 17 – Thursday, 13 August 2009

You are now tuned to BRN 107, The Brain; the only radio station that goes on behind the ears. The playlist is uncontrollable and sometimes plays the same twenty seconds on repeat for an hour. You are currently listening to the second verse of “Lonesome Cowboy Jim” from Best Band You’ve Never in Your Life, by Frank Zappa.

“He’s lonesome cowboy Jim,” going on over and over again as I made my walk to Staples to buy ink cartridges. I did that. “Daddy was a rollin’ rollin’ stone. He rolled away one day and he never came home,” repeated as I filed a whole set of time cards and stuffed envelopes with paychecks.

“Hang on folks, don’t touch that dial,” as the radio continued, “Well, I am the slime from the video, oozing along on your living room floor,” began to play. Another classic from Zappa.

I tapped along to it at my desk in the production office. I had nothing better to do, so Caitlin told me to, “Relax and get the phone…if it ever rings.” Frankly, I never got the point of me getting the phone. If I do get it, one of two things happens. If it is a person with a question, I have to turn around and ask somebody else for the answer. Usually, when a person calls, they are calling for one of the other five people in the office, so I just put them on park and give it to one of them. All I am is a middle man that takes up time. It’s a waste. It’s pointless. But, so is anything else that I do at the office.

The only tasks I have that actually have a reason are runs. When I go on runs, it is because something needs to get somewhere. I do it, because I am worthless in the office. It’s better for me to go on the run, so people that can actually get business done in the office can stay there and get things done.

“It’s the eye of the tiger,” began blasting as I was in a van on my way to the set. I had to take an envelope stuffed full of checks to Sam to get signed. Then I had to bring them back. I got to the set at five thirty. I gave the checks to Alicia, Sam’s assistant, and asked her to get them signed and give them back to me as soon as she could. I walked around the set a bit, found my brother and got lunch with him.

He told me that he got offered a job working for Alonzo after he finishes school. Also, if that falls through, he was also offered a job to work with Craft catering, which would actually pay more, but he would rather work as a P.A.

After lunch, I went back to Sam’s trailer, and Alicia told me that she hasn’t gotten them signed yet, but was going to right away. Ten minutes after that I got a call from the office, wondering where the fuck I was. I explained to Aaron that Alicia knows I am waiting, and have to go back to the office. He couldn’t really understand why I haven’t gotten them yet, but accepted it. He then told me to go back a third time and ask her if they got signed yet. So, I went, as I was going she was coming back with the checks in her hand. I went up to her and reached for them. “Sam’s on his lunch break, I can’t get them signed for another half-hour,” she casually told me.

“Shit, alright.” I texted Aaron the information. He called me and told me to call the office next time. I didn’t call because I only wanted to talk to Aaron and didn’t feel like dealing with Hazel. But, he understood. I finally got the checks and headed back to the office.

I apologized about how long it took. It seemed Caitlin was more sorry, “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I held you so long for this run.”

“Don’t worry about,” I said. “All I gotta do tonight is write about my day in my log.”

And this concludes our broadcast day.

Day 18 – Friday, 14 August 2009

Happy birthday, BrNick.

I went to the apple store to pick up a pair of speakers for the director’s computer. I was told to get JBL Duet II. As I browsed the store, I found a nice display of speakers. On this nice display sat the holy grail of my quest. Underneath the display were boxes. One of these boxes, below the JBL Duet II display, had a picture of the same speakers and something that looked like “JBL Duet II.” So I grabbed them and went to the checkout line.

I was given one-hundred and fifty dollars for this purchase. When the nice young man taking care of me rang it out, the total came to one sixty and some change. I thought this was a bit odd, but did not do much about it, except whip out a twenty dollar bill from my own pocket.

After he took the money from me and gave me my change and receipt he began bagging the item. That’s when I saw it, another “I”. That’s right. They show you, on display with a sign next to it, the JBL Duet II for $99. Then, all they have underneath this wonderful deal are boxes of the $150 Duet III. It’s an easy mistake to make. But, they don’t even give you an option really. I had to ask an employee about it. He had to go into the back of the store to find a pair.

Eventually it all got taken care of. I ended up with two receipts; the original one, and then a confusing one, with the original one, with the new purchase, with the balance. And I had the duty to make sure I had the right change to give back to the office. So, I made him find out the exact price of it, as if I was just buying it. It all worked out.

Yay.

Later…

Gary (Accounting): Could you take this envelope to the post office?

Betty (Payroll): Can you go to the post office to weigh and get a stamp for this envelope?

Me: Okay.

Gary: You’re gonna hafta get it weighed.

Betty: Just go to the teller and ask her to weigh it for you.

Gary: And when you get a stamp for it, ask her to mail it.

Betty: Now, after they weigh it, you have to pay for the stamp. I’ll give you money. And ask her to mail it.

Cindy (Accounting): Oh, are you going to the post office?

Everybody: Yes.

Cindy: Oh good. Could you pick up four hundred stamps? We’re running out.

Me: Sure.

Betty: Now, you’re going to have to pay for those. They’re forty four cents each. Now, you’re going to need money for four hundred. So that’s…(Pulls out calculator) one seventy six. But you’re going to need money for the other stamp for that envelope too. So, I’ll give you two hundred. But, you have to bring back change.

Me: Uh huh.

Betty: When you’re there, just ask the teller for four hundred stamps. And don’t forget to get that envelope weighed and sent out.

Me: Uh huh.

Betty: Now, I’m giving you some money, so I’ll write up that I’m giving you two-hundred. Just sign here, and then when you come back with the change, we’ll throw this out, so I won’t think you owe me two hundred dollars.

Me: Okay.

Betty: And don’t forget to get a receipt.

*After post office*

Betty: Okay, so you brought back twenty-three oh two. Did you get a receipt? Oh, good. Let’s see, the total came to one seventy six ninety eight. (Types numbers into calculator.)

Gary: Are you back from the post office?

Betty: And I gave you two hundred (Starts to type numbers in.) Oh wait.

Gary: Did you get that envelope weighed and sent?

Betty: Okay. I gave you two hundred, (types it in,) and you brought back twenty three oh…oh wait.

Cindy: You got four hundred stamps right?

Betty: Okay, two-hundred. It cost…one seventy six ninety-eight. How much was the stamp for that envelope?

Me: Ninety-eight cents.

Betty: Oh, that makes sense. Okay let’s see. You owe me twenty six oh two. And you brought back twenty six……………oh two! Okay. You can take this sheet now, so I won’t think you owe me two hundred.

Me: Okay.

That’s accounting for you.

Day 19 – Monday, 17 August 2009

I worked on the set today. I really do not like working on the set, I decided.

The first thing I did today was lock up the first set as soon as I got there. I took this as a good sign for a good day. I was wrong.

We were filming at JFK airport. I had to lock up one hallway to just stop passengers from walking by where we were filming while we were filming. We were not allowed to block it off fully because of airport regulations. So, we had to let as many people pass as we could for as long as we could. We only really locked up between “rolling” and “cut”. Luckily, it was not a problem at all because each take only took forty seconds at most. All the scene was was Justin Long’s character meeting Drew Barrymore’s character at the airport and making out. It was a very deep scene.

After that, we moved to the upstairs for some exterior scenes of Justin Long’s character dropping Drew Barrymore’s character off at the airport. This was a good place to shoot. We had an entire area of the airport to ourselves, and nobody bothered us. The only area that had to be locked up was outside where people were getting dropped off. Luckily, we had four other P.A.’s already there stopping people from walking onto our set. So, I did nothing for the next five hours.

I went to base camp, which was fifteen minutes away with transportation. There, I picked up the distro (envelopes and packages that come from the production office that need to be distributed amongst the crew). Instead of distributing it, I gave it to Elizabeth. Because that is what I was supposed to do.

But, other than that one run, I really did not do much. I kept asking if there was stuff to do. But I kept getting, “Nope, I got nothin’ for ya,” from Alonzo. And, “No, sorry,” from Elizabeth.

Day 20 – Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Yesterday, I had enough with the set. I do practically nothing when I am on set. And usually when I do get a job to do on set, it’s some sort of wild goose chase, or a job that already has three other people doing it.

So, I called the office and asked Caitlin if BrNick and I could switch job positions (BrNick on set and me in the office.) I know that BrNick loves working on the set. He likes the people, they like him. It’s all good for BrNick on the set. So, I decided I would be the good brother, and instead of him having to switch back and forth from working on the set and working in the office, I would just work in the office from now on so he could get the most set time possible.

It’s not like I love working in the office, I don’t. I like it almost as much as I like being on the set. The main difference is, when I go on runs at the office, the average time it takes me is an hour. So every time I get a run. I get an hour out of the way.

The other plus of working in the office, is that there is usually something I can do. Like, clean the kitchen or help file something. On the set, the jobs are always changing, the locations are always changing, the people are always changing; I just don’t ever know what to do from day to day. I like the consistency of the office. That, and the hours at the office are better.

I decided to take a semester off from college to figure out what I want to do. If I want to stay in the media production major, or go back to the mechanical engineering. I thought this would take me at least one semester to figure out. But, I got this opportunity to work on this movie set in the summer before this figuring out time. And, after working as an intern for this movie for nineteen days, I undoubtedly decided to go back to engineering. This movie business stuff is just not right for me. But, I’m going to ride it out for the next two weeks. There are two reasons for this. One; I’m already here, so I might as well. Two; if I fail this three credit course I will probably get kicked out of school.

So, just because this internship may not help me with my future career, or even future major, I’m still going to give it my full effort.

And in case you were wondering, here is what I did today:

· Dropped off envelope to Cast & Crew on Seventh Avenue.

· Cleaned the coffee machine, inside and out.

· Logged in incoming packages and distributed them.

· Filled printer and fax machine with paper, so people can print things and faxes have something to print onto.

· Put the dailies into envelopes and logged them into the “To Set” box.

· I ate lunch, steak sandwich, very delightful.

· After lunch, I went to the bathroom. Not so delightful.

· After finishing up, I realized we were almost out of paper towels, so I got more for the bathroom.

· I went to the Mayor’s office to pick up some papers for the Locations Department.

· I went to Pink Berry and got frozen yogurt for everybody.

· I ate frozen yogurt.

· I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get two boxes of hand soap refills, two bottles of dishwashing soap, and two boxes of dish detergent.

· I went home and wrote in my log.

Day 21 – Wednesday, 19 August 2009

I did my normal runs. Cast and Crew at 450 Seventh Avenue, Mayor’s office, and Central Casting. I’m starting to get very good with the subway and getting around New York, at least with the N, R, W and 4, 5, and 6 lines. I do not like riding on the 1, 2, or 3 on the west side. It is just a huge hassle to get back to the east side. Especially when the only train that goes to the east side isn’t running.

So, I got a special run to William Street, downtown. I like downtown. All the streets are very small, and seem very cozy, but it is very busy and the buildings are huge. I went there to drop off a check and pick up a signed agreement. Wait no signed agreement. I got that call right before I walked into the door.

When I got back to the office I filed for approximately three albums: Les Claypool’s Frog Brigade’s Purple Onion and two Cake albums. Filing without music is torture. Just monotonous, staring at paper, doing the same motions, listening to the constant background of the office, thinking about nothing, except maybe a more efficient way to file. And I never like finding myself thinking about nothing better than better ways to file.

With music, however, you can fully enjoy the music. The work goes into subconscious mode as you concentrate on the music. The best music to do paper work with is anything with a steady beat. Frank Zappa would be poor filing music.

When filing, you get into a groove, so you need music that will accompany and help this groove (Groovy music, drum roll please.) This way, you can forget about the work more fully, and turn it into more of an almost enjoyable dance. For these reasons, I listened to Les Claypool’s Frog Brigade and Cake. If you need to file, definitely try these out sometime.

AND THAT’S WHAT I LEARNED TODAY!

Day 22 – Thursday, 20 August 2009

Caitlin: “We need light bulbs!”

Me: (Still groggy from just waking up and making the commute in,) “Sweet.”

She was very specific on the types of light bulbs I needed to get. Four of the spirally eco-friendly ones, one flood light for the kitchen, and she needed a very specific dimmer switch, I can’t remember the specifics on that one now.

Aaron tells me to get a box of the flood lights.

So I went to the Home Depot. I bought it all and went to the office. Yay. Then I had to go back.

I got the tiniest flood lights I’ve ever seen in a box that was very deceiving. But, that didn’t stop the people in the office from making fun of me for the folly. And why not? It was funny. Those tiny flood lights were truly comedic. I also got reamed at for buying a whole box of them instead of one. But I did not tell Caitlin it was Aaron who told me to buy them because I DON’T SNITCH!

I went back and got the right light bulb (Just one.) Yay!

When I got back, Miranda (P.A.) asked if she could steal one eco-friendly bulb for her apartment, which was very dark. Caitlin said sure. So, she took one, and then dropped it. That’s when I learned something. These “eco-friendly” light bulbs are not to be disposed of like ordinary light bulbs. You do not throw them in the trash.

The instructions for cleaning up a broken “eco-friendly” light bulb go as follows:

· Tell everyone to get the fuck out, without letting anyone walk through the contaminated area.

· Open all the windows and shut off any air conditioning or heat, so the contaminants do not get into the air system.

· Pick up the pieces using everything except your hands. And make sure you get every single piece by using cardboard, duct tape, then wet paper towels and wet wipes.

· Put all these now contaminated items, along with the broken glass into a glass jar with a metal lid.

· Place outside until you can safely get it to HAZMAT.

Now, these bulbs may last longer than a normal light bulb. But, I can’t help to wonder how much better that really is when compared to what happens with the bulb after it does eventually go out. I think I’d rather keep throwing away my normal light bulbs than throw out one “eco-friendly” bulb.

After I learned all this fun information I went on a run to Rockefeller Center. Although I did not go inside; I just dropped something off to someone who met me outside. Apparently she had met me before. I could not remember her for the life of me. It was awkward.

I also had to run all around the Thirty Fourth Street subway station. I had three deliveries to three places that made a huge circle around it. It wasn’t too bad, I knew where each place was; they were normal spots. But, it was a very hot day. I was sweating bullets and was very dehydrated. I could not wait to get back to the air conditioned office and get myself some water.

As I was walking into the office I saw Hazel coming in holding a whole tray of ice coffees from City Bakery. I’m thinking, “Sweet, they went on a coffee run.”

I dropped off a couple of the things that I picked up from my runs to accounting and payroll and came back down to the production office. I looked at my desk…no coffee. I looked around at everyone else…ice coffee.

That’s alright. Maybe she just didn’t know how I liked it, and didn’t want to upset me? I mean, I like my coffee a little strange, black or any other way coffee comes. And it’s not like I’ve told her this the last two coffee runs; I have. We’ve even joked about it.

But I’m not upset. It’s not like I was just running around for an hour and half in ninety-something degree weather and even hotter subways. It’s not like they were expecting me back any minute.

But enough bitching; I don’t have any responsibilities and get home at a decent time.

I learned my place today.

Day 23 – Friday, 21 August 2009

I didn’t really do anything except the regular stuff. You aren’t still reading this are you? If you have made it this far, bravo; as for me, I’m going to sleep.

Day 24 – Monday, 24 August 2009

I went on a special mission to Trader Joe’s this morning. I was to pick up ten cases of Tejava tea. That’s one-hundred twenty bottles of tea.

Everything was ordered and ready to go, I just had to pick them up and pay for them. This became more difficult than imagined.

I went in there and told the guy at the desk that I was there to pick up the order for “A Movie.” He just kind of looked at me funny. So I asked him, “Ten cases of tea?”

“Oh, you’re that guy,” he remarked. “You got a van outside?”

“Yup, should I pay for them here?”

“Yea…no. You gotta go to the cashier, wait in line. Just tell ‘em you got a hundred twenty bottles at 1.49.”

“Alright.” And I was on my way. I waited in the ten items or less line. I grouped it as 10 cases, not one-hundred twenty bottles. But whatever. So, I finally got up to the register and told the guy what I had. He stared at me blankly as well. “What kind of tea was it?”

“Ah, shit. Hang on. Let me go ask the guy at the desk. I’ll be right back.”

In my thirty second absence, he took a new customer. One who had at least three times more than ten items. So, I waited as long as I could, and went to the next cashier. This confused her a bit, because I did not wait in the line. I explained the whole situation. She was getting confused. But, mostly, she just didn’t want to piss me off. “I’m sorry; I just need one of the bottles. I’m not too sure what’s going on, but I have the manager helping me out.”

“No worries.” I told her. “All I do is go on ridiculous runs like this. I’m totally used to the chaos that ensues after an unusual order.”

“Oh, if there were only more people like you,” she told me.

When the manager got to the register, he was telling me that the cases were outside. The cashier was telling him she needed a bottle. The guy at the desk came over and was telling them both that it was 120 bottles at 1.49 each. The manager kept telling me the bottles were outside. “Yea, I got that. I just want to pay for them.” I told him.

I paid for them.

Went outside, the bottles were already loaded into the van. I got out of there with a thank you and a have nice day.

***

So the bottles that I picked up, if you were wondering, were for the set. Catering needed them. So, my next job was to bring them to him. We took the van, with the tea, to set. The set today was Southpaw, in Brooklyn. You may recognize this bar from the show “Z-Rock”. It is the bar the band in the show generally has a regular gig.

After I got back, I had a turkey sandwich waiting for me from the lunch run. I don’t know what it is about New York, but you can never get a normal sandwich. They put the turkey on cranberry walnut bread with Dijon. It was okay though.

After lunch, my notes stop, except for one coffee run. So, I’m assuming I did not do much.

Day 25 – Tuesday, 25 August 2009

The Life and Times of an Intern (A Poem)

I had to go to Staples to get ink cartridges.

So I did.

Then I had to go to Home Depot to get Halogen light bulbs.

So I did.

Then I had to go back to Staples to get notepads.

So I did.

Then I had nothing to do.

So I filed.

***

If you really want to know this, I was only supposed to get two notepads (the little memo pads, with the spiral at the top), for the camera guys. But they only sold them in sets of five. So now the office has three notepads.

Day 26 – Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Today I got to go to Deluxe. Deluxe is where the editorial office is. I went there to pick up the dailies. I don’t know why on my twenty-sixth day I am going on a run to Deluxe to pick up dailies. We have been getting dailies sent to us every day. But, oh well. I got a new job, and that’s good enough for me; a new place to go, a new train to take, a new person to meet, and a new thing to bring back to the office. I was on my way.

When I arrived there I was to meet Sean to get the dailies. I met him in the front lobby; he was waiting for the dailies to finish being made. So we chatted a little bit as we waited.

Sean is a post production P.A. He told me that he hated being on set. “Everyone just stands around.” He told me that he once saw a person, on set, sitting in one spot, and when he came back three hours later he was still there.

I told him that I totally understood, and that is why I was working in the office and letting my brother stay on set.

Then I went to Cast and Crew to drop off an envelope. And then I filed for awhile. While filing I ordered Rosa Mexicana for lunch. I filed some more. I finished filing. Before starting a new filing job I thought it would be a good idea to go back down to production and ask Caitlin if she needed me to do anything. She told me to just sit on down and watch the phones. That was at 4. At 6:15 I was still there and the phone had hardly ringed.

After watching the phones I did some random chores around the office until seven fifteen.

Today I learned the difference between enchilada and tacos.

Day 27 – Thursday, 27 August 2009

Today I got to go to Deluxe; but not for a pick up. Today I got to watch the editing process. I met up with Sean in the lobby again who gave me a short tour and introduced me to the other people who worked there. The first person I got to learn from was Nick.

I stayed and watched Nick for a little bit as he explained his current job. What he does is take every shot that was taken and cue up the sound and video. To do this, you need to know what that little board you always see in movies is and does. It’s that board with the shot and take number on it, and also has that part that swings down and makes a loud snap noise. Well, the board tells the editor which shot and take the video is, this is essential for knowing which bit of sound to use to be synced up with the video. Also, the board tells the editor which camera is filming the shot. This becomes essential for multiple angled shots. Sometimes with two cameras, each camera will get a different snap from the board. Other times, the cameras will use the same snap. If this is the case, it will be shown on the board that the two cameras are to be synced to the same snap.

So he gets the awesome job of taking each take and listening for the snap, and lining the snap up with the exact moment the top part of the board hits the bottom part. When these two things are lined up he checks it. He goes through the scene and sees if everything is synced up as it should be. He doesn’t have to watch every second of the scene; he will usually just jump to any part of it and watch for a half second.

After that, I followed the process. After the video is synced up with the sound, it is sent to Merissa. She was a very nice girl who showed me her cool, but irritating, job. She gets to work with this new program that allows you to embed the video clips right into the script. That is to say, the script will be on the screen. Next to the script is the scene in video, from every shot taken for it. If the master editor wants a certain angle for a certain line, all he has to do is click on a node next to the line of dialogue and it jumps right to it. He will then have every shot taken of that line right in front of him. This technology is great. Before, one would have to search through all of the video in order to find something like this, but now it is just a click of a button. This also helps when the director comes knocking looking for a certain line of adlibbing that she might want in the movie. Before, they would have to search endlessly through video to find a line that may or may not be there, but now, it’s all in the script.

But, the adlibbing doesn’t just appear on its own. This is where Merissa comes in. She watches the videos, and any time there is a deviation from the script or straight up adlibbing (and there is a lot in this movie), she has to change the script by adding the changes to it.

These changes are marked by red nodes below the video (next to the script.) The only problem is, she can’t change the script in the program she is in. She has to close out of that, open up the script file, save the script file in a different format, open it back up in a different program, change it there, save it once again in a different format, and then open it back up in Final Cut, which is the program she was using before. This process is tedious, she told me, and sometimes the program crashes without telling her and she can make changes for a half hour that when she comes back the next day won’t be there. You would think with a three thousand dollar program you would be able to type in the script program that is designed for this type of work. Oh well. Maybe in a new edition they’ll have that feature.

After Merissa does her job, it goes to Ken who puts it all together and makes the movie (so to speak.) I didn’t meet him because he was not in. But, after awhile of me sitting around, Sean told me to take the dailies to the office. I heard him talking to Nick about how these did not really have to go today; I’m pretty sure he just wanted an excuse for me to leave. Which is okay, after a little while it is very boring in there. But I still really like the work that they do. I watched Nick try to add a border to a split screen for an hour. I love this work, I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just as crazy as any other editor.

Day 28 – Friday, 28 August 2009

Usually, after working in a job for awhile you get into a groove. Come into work, and know what you have to do from time to time. But, for me, I have worked twenty eight days and have no clue what to do. I’m still walking around the office asking what I should be doing. But, that’s okay; it’s all just busy work anyway.

I guess I did get into some sort of groove. Come into work, get my coffee, and enjoy that as I sit near a phone. After that, either go on a run or help out filing. Filing was my favorite thing to do, because I could listen to my iPod and spend a couple hours not worrying about having to do other things, or look like I am useless.

So, today, I did my runs as I usually do. And I thought, maybe I could ask to get out early so I could pack. It was my last day and wanted plenty of time to pack to make sure I did not forget anything in New York. But then, I figured I would probably get out on time, which would leave me with ample amounts of time.

I was going to ask Caitlin if I could get going when it came to about five thirty and not doing anything. But then she asked me if I wanted to stay a little longer and answer phones while Aaron was gone, and stay for happy hour. Happy hour is every Friday when everyone can come together in the office, have a couple drinks and some snacks and not work for a little bit. I make the cheese platter. So, I stayed for happy hour, which was very nice. During happy hour, Amanda tapped her glass with a fork and made a nice speech about me leaving. And then, she gave me a gift from everyone in the office. I said, “Oh, man, you guys didn’t have to do this. Thank you. Really, you didn’t have to; now, I feel like a real dick for not getting you guys anything.”

“It’s okay,” Caitlin said. “If you don’t learn anything else from me, remember this. Never give up.” Now in a different context, this could sound like some cheesy piece of advice (Never give up) but this holds a different meaning entirely. She explained to me that the worst four hundred dollars she ever spent was on a picture frame for a director. So, now I know, to never get gifts for people above me.

After that piece of advice, I said my goodbyes and left.

Conclusion

If you’ve made it this far, bravo. I have made it this far, but it took me two months. If you skipped through some of the middle, I don’t blame you. I tried to make it as interesting as possible, but it’s very difficult when every day is the same. In any case, if you skipped straight to this conclusion, then that’s just fine. This is my conclusion, my summary, and some more rambling. This is all you really need to know.

Let me begin by explaining my situation going into this project. I was a mechanical engineer major for my first year and a half of school. I have always been good at math and have been told by everyone and their mothers that I should be an engineer. The only problem is that I have no interest in working with numbers and working normal hours and having a semi-normal job my entire life. I’m always told that it pays very well, but I just have no worry about being upper class, lower class, or money at all. All I want in life is to do something I love.

I have worked with my brother on some short films since we were kids and during the break between fall and spring semester I helped him prepare a short film entitled “Channel 72” to get him into a major. He didn’t make it in but it sparked this interest in production that I always had but ignored for awhile. So, I decided to switch my major into media production. After one semester, I realized that most of the classes had nothing to do with anything that I was interested in. What I am interested in is everything in the background: camera, lights, sound, editing, etc. There’s one class for each, but a majority of my education goes towards electives that have nothing to do with anything.

Near the end of the spring semester 2009, I was going through a deep depressive time and could not figure out what I wanted to do with my life, let alone why I should do anything for any class. I failed two of my classes: Speech, because I wouldn’t speak, and Intro to Jewish Thought because I thought the teacher was a quack; so I refused to pretend I learned anything from him. Because of this I almost got kicked out of school but got to stay because of my GPA. This was a wakeup call to me to figure out what I wanted to do or else I would surely flunk out of school the next semester. So I decided to take a break.

If I had stayed for the next semester and passed, but then decided to switch majors, all of the classes I just took would become worthless. So, I thought it would be better to take a semester to meditate on the idea of the rest of my life instead of being rushed and throwing away a few thousand dollars for no reason.

Before I could even enjoy my time off, I got a call from my brother saying that there was an opportunity to work on an actual movie set. So, I took this opportunity thinking this would surely let me know if media production is what I wanted to do.

Well, I found out my answer pretty quickly. And here lies my conclusion. This shit ain’t for me.

What I realized, and what I have been ignoring is that I am not just good at math; I have an engineer’s mind and soul. With engineering (At least I hope this is how it is in the real world) is that one is looked upon and judged based on knowledge and intuition. In the field of media production, however, it is only about who you know and how good you are socially.

This is a problem for me because I hate people. I can’t make chit chat; I can’t feign interest; and I am terrible at making long lasting connections in short meetings. I am sure this will be a problem for me for the rest of my life and make every aspect of life more difficult for me, but I can’t change who I am.

So, this experience opened me up to myself. I now know who I am and have embraced it. I can’t work in the media. I might still be able to work in editorial because that is a pretty independent job, but for the rest of media production, I’m relatively screwed.

When I worked on the set I was so bored I wanted to run around naked screaming. When I worked in the office, there was so much paper work I wanted to pull every hair out of my head and eyelids. There’s too much bull shit in media production, and I don’t work well with bullshit.